Happy Show Day!

Today is our city's show day public holiday, and I stumbled across this great article about taking kids to the Ekka. The Ekka is our town's big show/ carnival. We won't be taking Chubs to the Ekka this year, she's still too little to get anything out of it. The article gives lots of good points which could apply to taking kids to any crowded place.

We're still too little to have to have done any of this ourselves yet, but there were two ideas that I particularily loved in this article. Firstly, I liked the idea of taking a photo at the beginning of the day, so that you can show someone what your child/ren is wearing etc if they do get lost. I read about this on another blog (sorry, I can't remember where) and they said that they had started doing if for the same reason, but that it had a nice side effect - they ended up with a whole lot of regular photos of the whole family lined up. If I was a scrapbooker that might be a nice thing to do up over the years.

So check out the article for some great tips!
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Operation Sleep Rule Change: update after week one

Well, one week in and things are going to plan. We've made it past midnight every night for the past week. The only night which was really hard was the first night and it wasn't too bad. I fed/patted/rocked Chubs constantly for almost an hour and a half but we got there in the end. The next six nights usually only took one resettle to get her back down until after midnight.

So for the next week, we will keep resettling her in her room until 1 o' clock. Feeding, patting, rocking- whatever we need to do, until she goes back to sleep in her cot, or until 1am comes. The aim is not to get her to sleep through, it's just to get our bed back for a few more hours. I don't regret bringing her in there at all, see my first post if you missed it.

Indeed, this last week has reminded me one of the reasons that I love cosleeping, it's so easy. Chubs wakes up, Dear Husband goes and gets her,  I roll over and unzip my top and were all back to sleep in minutes. Getting up to resettle her is a lot more effort!

 I'm in no rush to get her to sleep through the night, or to night wean.  Night waking is normal and healthy for children up to three to four years of age. As with most things, this is working for all of us so we will keep going until it's not, then we'll do something else.

So, Week Two, here we come!

Operation Sleep Rule Change update night five

Night five didn't get off to a great start. All three of us were sick, tired and grumpy. After two bites while feeding during the 'arsenic hour' I gave up. I put Chubs in the car and took her for a drive to get to sleep. I knew that bedtime was going to be a disaster, so I thought I would call it and take her f or a drive before there was more crying and stress and biting, when I probably would have taken her for a drive anyway. Generally I think it's better to make the decision early and save a tired, cranky sick baby (and mum and dad) from a stressful evening before things go too bad.

When we got in Chubs transferred to her cot ok but was soon stirring. She is sick and just want to be near us, so I put her on her fold out sofa on the living room floor with us where she slept happily for the evening. I gave her a feed joke she was asleep at 10, but she's never really fed well while sleeping, she just nods off and doesn't suck. We moved her in to the cot asleep. Dear Husband and I can't remember what time she came in, but it was quite late -about 3am or 4am. We're on a winner her I think!

Night six (Friday) and Chubs had daycare (Friday is my study day). She was shattered when she got in and we did a very quick bedtime routine so she was in bed early. Hopefully it will go well tonight!

Dear Husband and I talked about maybe moving it back to 2am for next week, but we decided just to stick by an hour a week, so it will be 1am next week. Hopefully we can keep moving it back.

Doing this is reminding me one of the reasons I'm a big fan of cosleeping in the first place -I get much more sleep when she's in bed with us. I guess it's about getting better quality sleep which is why we're doing this, but there is a lot to be said for parenting in one's sleep. If cosleeping is working for you, then keep going! If the only thing which is worrying you is forming 'bad habits' or what People think, then don't worry about it. Like I said when I first posted, if circumstances were different for us then there would be no need to change. If we had a spare bed we would probably play musical beds all night, and we wouldn't have a problem. I am glad that the changes seem to be working though, and Chubs seem to be coping with the new rules which is great.

As usual, I will keep you posted!

Operation Sleep Rule Change update: nights three and four

Night three went well. She was very tired after daycare and fell aleep in my arms at 7pm without story,  teeth etc. Chubs woke at about 10.30 and had a big feed. She wouldn't go down in ht cot but I got her back to sleep on her flip out sofa in her room. By the time I had cleaned my teeth and was ready for bed I moved her into her cot. Chubs slept there until 1:30 which was wonderful! She woke for a feed then and came in with us.

Night four she was also very tired after daycare and went to bed early, soon after seven o'clock. She stirred about 9pm since her ever present snotty nose has been keeping her up, but resettled with a feed and a back rub. I can't actually remember what time she came in, but it was definitely after midnight.

Operation Sleep Rule Change - update nights 1 and 2

Well, night one was long but it wasn't too bad. Chubs woke up fairly early at 10:15, so midnight was a long way away. She had a feed (but didn't really want it) but just kept pointing at the door, she wanted to get out. She woke up properly (which wasn't good) but we kept rocking and patting and feeding and cuddling. She was a little upset and grizzly at times, but there wan't any screaming thank goodness. She almost went back to sleeps few times, once in my arms (but then work on transfer), once in the cot but then she rolled over and hit her head on the side of the cot and woke herself up again. At 11:50 I conceded defeat and too her into bed with us - it was a case of near enough is good enough. She settled immediately and slept well for the rest of the night. I think she only had one more feed overnight, which makes me feel that she wasn't upset or anxious about the change (like when I'd tried to move her during the night.)

We made a few changes for night two. I moved her toys out of her room, since she saw them and wanted to play. We also moved her flip out sofa (usually in the living room) in, in the hope that she may be able to be persuaded to lie on that if she won't lie in her cot.

When night two came around, I panicked a bit when I heard stirrings at 10:30, but we were able to pat her back to sleep. The same thing at 11:15, with a back scratch and off again. Thankfully, she blisfully slumbered until 12:30 when she woke for a feed, but since it was past midnight Dear Husband brought her straight in and we had milky cuddles for the rest of the night.

So, two nights in and things are still on track. There's still a long way to go, but it hasn't derailed yet which is a good thing!

Menu plan

As usual, we are having a 'no frills' menu plan. Simple, easy, and fairly nutritious.

Monday: Hot chook and veggies
Tuesday: Stirfry
Wednesday: Stirfry again
Thursday: Pork bolognese
Friday: Beef bolognese
Saturday: Pasta with pesto and tuna
Sunday: scavenge

Operation Sleep Rule Change updates to come!

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Operation Sleep Rule Change

We are going to start some sleep training at our house (and I use the term 'sleep training' very, very loosely). The current situation isn't really working for us at this point in time. We have been looking at ideas and strategies to change things a little bit, but haven't yet come across a plan that we were comfortable with or that we thought would work for Chubs. It seems that we now have a plan, so I will share with you all how it goes; perhaps it might be helpful for others.

What we have done in terms of sleep (where and when) has changes as Chubs has needed to since she was born. The current situation (and it has been this way for a few months) is to have dinner/ shower at 5:30 - 6:00 ish depending on when we get home from daycare. After shower and PJs we turn the big light off in the living room and play with toys, watch TV or video clips until 7:30. Chubs then brushes her teeth with Dear Husband then has three stories with me in the living room. After that it's goodnight cuddle for Daddy, then Chubs and I go to our bed and she feeds/ cuddles to sleep there. She's usually asleep by 8pm and then I move her to her cot where she happily sleeps until 10 or 11pm ish. If she wakes before then then I can usually resettle her in her cot. She also happily sleeps in her cot for day naps and in the cot at daycare. After the 10 or 11pm wake up, however, she comes into our bed. She has a small feed but mostly wants cuddles.

We don't mind having her in our bed in principle, and she's been in there for various parts of the day or night since she was a little baby. This has had numerous benefits for all three of us. Our bed is set up for safe cosleeping, so there are no safety worries. I also realise that baby waking for comfort and reassurance that Mum and Dad are still there is totally normal behaviour, and is a sign that she has a strong connection to her father and me - that is a good thing. I'm happy to provide that comfort and reassurance over night, I'm also happy to keep feeding her overnight since she still seems to want that. However, what isn't working is having her in our bed from 11pm on, since it is impossible for Dear Husband and I to get a good (or even a satisfactory) night's sleep.

Chubs usually ends up sleeping with her head next to mine and her feet next to Dear Husband's head. She's also a fan of bed angels, and the 'H is for Hell' position. Dear Husband has neck/ back issues at the best of times due to whiplash many years ago. I'm pretty flexible when is comes to sleeping positions but when I can't carry my school books during the day because my arms are so sore - and this happens repeatedly, then the situation isn't working.

I said above that the situations isn't working for us at this time in our circumstance. When Chubs was younger she was happy for me to transfer her back to the cot once she'd come into our bed for a bit, so this wan't a problem. When the tiny child had one adult balanced on the edge of the bed and the other curled up in a ball at the foot of the bed, then we would transfer her back to the cot for another few hours. That worked well. Some people play 'musical beds' during the night, and I think that would work for us, but we don't have a spare bed to go to. (Both Dear Husband and I tried the couch at various times, but the sleep there was worse than with an oh-so-cute chubby foot in the ear.) Some babies are happy to sleep in a cot next to the bed but since I did a lot of child proofing in the living room a lot of the nin child friendly furniture (my desk, some bookshelves etc) were moved into our bedroom (since Chubs isn't ever in there alone) so there isn't any room for a cot in there now,and my Mummy instinct tells me that Chubs wouldn't be happy with that, anyway.

Chubs is happy to sleep in her cot for day naps and until 11pm, so she knows it as a comfortable, safe place. It's just that in her head from 11pm or so on, the 'Rule' is that she's allowed into Mummy and Daddy's bed. I don't regret teaching her this by accident - bringing her into bed for that first feed when I was so tired (this only started at 8 months or so?) had many advantages for all of us. The problem is that this isn't working any more. What we would like to do is just to shift the 'Rules' as Chubs understands them to say that instead of staying in her cot until 10 or 11pm, she needs to stay there until 2 - 3am ish or ideally, 5 - 6 am ish.

Two nights ago I moved her back into her cot at about 2:30am to try and encourage her to be in the cot later, but she work up straight away and I had trouble getting her back to sleep. I brough her back to bed with us but she wouldn't properly go back to sleep for an hour and wanted to feed/ comfort suck for all of that time. She wouldn't let me slip the dummy in, she only wanted me. This tells me that she was upset and uncomfortable about me changing the rules - why was I putting her in the cot at 2:30, whcih was clearly in the 'Mummy and Daddy's bed' timeslot? I must admit that I was worried here - if that left her anxious for one hour, then how will we ever get her in the cot for a few more hours?

I didn't want to do anything that would make her feel anxious, or that she's wasn't cared for. I want her to know that when she wants a cuddle, that I will be there. It's normal for children to need comfort and reassurance during the night until about three or four years of age. I'm very aware that she will grow out of this, sooner or later. She won't always want to sleep in our bed, and there will be plenty of time for Dear Husband and me to catch up when she's a teenager. (Although, a dear friend of mine is often called by her adult daughter in the wee hours to drive in and pick her up when she finishes her restaurant job in the city, so manybe I'm hoping in vain...)

However, there are three people in this bed, and two of us aren't happy. I think that it is reasonable to expect a toddler to sleep a few more hours in her cot, in which she is already comfortable, when her loving mother and father are in the next room and will come in to resettle and/or breastfeed as required. I think that this is a resonable expectation and I wanted to find a technique which was respectful of Chubs' needs to help her to 'reset' the Rules so that Mummy and Daddy's bed isn't 'open' until a few hours later.

I struggled to find a suggestion that might work. I was cautious to only ask for advice from people and places who I knew would be supportive of our 'frame of reference'for sleep. I didn't want to be told to put her on a strict routine dictated by someone who had never met her. I didn't want to be told off for cosleeping and forming 'bad habits'. None the less, it took me a while to find a suggestion which would actually be do-able for our circumstances. I did find lots of 'no idea, but we're in the same situation, so let me know what happens' comments though! I did put a comment on Pinky McKay's Facebook page which she very kindly reposted on her status, and I was overwhelmed with support, reassurance and possible strategies we could try. Thanks to all who commented, I really do appreciate it!

So, now we have a plan. We are going to try and 'reset' the sleeping rules in a gentle, workable and respectful way. Most of the sleeping procedures and changes that we have done to date have definately been on the 'baby led' end of the spectrum, this is the first time we've done anything on the 'parent led' end. The plan - Operation Change Sleep Rules - begins tonight.

The plan is to hold off moving Chubs into our bed for an hour at a time. So, for this week, Chubs won't be coming into our bed before midnight. If (or more likely when) she wakes before that we will try to resettle her, pat, rock, feed and do whatever we need to do, but it will be in her room. We will keep doing this until she falls asleep in her cot, or until midnight comes. If she's still awake at midnight then she can come in with us. Once she's learned that she can't come in until midnight (I'm hoping that this will take a week or so but it may take longer) then we'll do the same thing to move back the time to 1am, then 2am etc. Depending on how it goes we might keep pushing it back to 5 or 6 am, or we might leave it at 3am.

Of course, there's a million reasons why this might not work. Chubs might not like it at all, she might get sick, we might get too exhausted. However, this is the best plan that seems the most workable that we've come up with. I have confidence that it at least has a reasonable chance of working.

And so, I will keep you posted. It sounds like lots of people are in the same boat, so perhaps you can blog along too? Of course every baby is different and will respond differently, but I'm really hoping that this will work for Chubs.