(Almost) perfect day

Yesterday Chubs and I had an almost perfect day. She had a great night's sleep and then woke up early. I was a bit worried about how I would get a shower, as Dear Husband is away with work and now that's she's mobile it's a bit harder. Thankfully she went down for a nap without any worries and I transferred her to her cot so I could shower without worry - yay!

It was a sunny day yesterday - the first in weeks. I popped her in the stroller and we walked down to the nearby church hall to vote in the state election. I take my opportunity to vote as a huge responsibility. Many have fought hard and died - are still dying - for their right to vote. Even in Australia, it has only been 110 years since non indigenous women have been allowed to vote (1902 for federal elections, 1905 in my state). Shamefully, the voting rights of indigneous men and women were not acknowledged until sixty years later. Despite all the failings of our political systems, all the petty games, lip service and rhetoric, the right and responsibility to vote should never be belittled, taken for granted or wasted.

We went in to vote (Dear Husband did a pre poll vote earlier in the week since he's interstate) and I wanted to get a photo of Chubs' first election, but sadly she was not obliging :( We visited the democratic sausage sizzle and cake stall and then went to the park.

Chubs had a play in the dirt, chewed some sand, had a swing and generally got a lot of her energy out. We both missed going to the park while it was raining. We came home and both had a nap without argument - yay!

We had been invited to a BBQ with friends and we were bringing sausages and breadrolls, so we were on our way to buy them when we ran into my mum, so we had impromptu coffee and cuddles too :)

Off to the BBQ which was great. A bunch of friends and their partners, heaps of young kids, good food and great company makes for a great afternoon and evening. Election night news coverage always appeals to me too - even if the results were unprecidented. Chubs had dinner and a bath there and fell asleep in the car on the way home - perfect.

Another great thing is that Chubs has been going through a stage where she bites while breastfeeding. I've been trying just about everything with no luck - but she hasn't bitten me once in two days. I hope that this is the end of it at last!

It's only almost perfect because Dear Husband missed it, but he will be home soon - this was only a very short trip away.

A lovely Saturday - what did you do on the weekend?

Cooking and politics

The ABC has a new political program called Kitchen Cabinet with political journalist Annabel Crabb. I watched an earlier episode with Julie Bishop, but I must admit that I turned off part way through. I think that probably due to the fact that, in general, I don't enjoy cooking or conservative politics I wasn't too excited about the program.

However, my faith in the series has been restored this week, when Annabel Crabb interviewed Tanya Plibersek. For those who aren't familiar with the show, Crabb is hosted for a meal by a politician in his or her home, and it's a bit of a cooking show too. Plibersek prepared a trout spaghetti, cheese and olive balls and stuffed zucchini flowers. Crabb brings with her a dessert each episode; in this case a roasted strawberry and ginger nut delight.

As an aside - if I never see another ginger nut biscuit in my life, it will be too soon. I ate - and vomited - far too many of them during my pregnancy. As a second aside, I recall the state - by - state differences were discussed in a Nick Earls novel. I digress.

Plibersek discusses a wide range of topics. These include her views as a ten-year-old of Thatcher's policies, her parent's immigration to Australia, factional politics, uranium mining and export, redemption and forgiveness, deep fried cheese, having a young family and media attention, drug addiction and rehabilitation, breastfeeding and working, herb gardens, national infrastructure and salami sandwiches, among other things.

For those who can view the program, I strongly recommend that you do. It's only viewable in Australia, or by those with enough IT skills to make the computer think that you're in Australia. Here's the link: http://www.abc.net.au/iview/#/program/909282

Linked

Girls and Women Change our World: You don't exactly look like a feminist...

Happy International Women's Day everyone!

Series introduction

Some of you may be suprised to have found such unapologetically feminist posts on a 'Mummy blog'. To recap some things about me:

I am very happily married, and enjoy every moment of being a mother. I spend my days surrounded by nappies, toys and laundry with a baby strapped to my front and often latched onto my breast. I took my husband's name when we got married, and I call myself 'Mrs husband's surname', not 'Ms'. I asked for a demotion at work so that I could spend more time at home with my family, and have gone 'backwards' in my career over the last two years. I chose to have less responsibility at work now than when I was a graduate. I think that it's very important that mother and baby are close to each other around the clock, especially in the newborn months. I have smooth legs and get blond foils in my straightened hair (when I have enough time to pull out the straightener during nap time so that a chubby baby doesn't chew on the cord.) I love high heels and pretty dresses. My baby daughter has pink sheets, pink curtains and wears dresses. I iron my husband's shirts. For crying out loud, I even blog about housework and meal planning. I don't exactly sound like a bra burning feminist, do I?

Well, as a breastfeeding mother, I need a good bra, so the bra burning option is out.

Seriously though, every single thing that I have listed above has been a choice for me. I chose to get married. I chose to take my husband's surname. We chose to have children. I chose to take a demotion at work and go part time, so that I had more time with my family. I chose to still work a little bit, as I still wanted to contribute my professional skills and my tax dollars. I even choose to blog about my pathetic attempts at housekeeping. All of these choices are exactly that - choices, not expectations or things that I have been forced to do which I don't want to.

There are many things which I do not choose and which I will speak out about. I have fought, and will continue to fight, for my rights to not be sexually discriminated against in public and in the workplace.  I hate when I am referred to as "Mrs Husband's first name and surname". I know that it is the 'correct' etiquette for formal invitations, but I find it offensive as I feel I am entitled to my own name. (I realise that this may seem like a contradiction, but please be assured that I am happy with this decision, even if it may appear inconsistent to some.) I hate being referred to a 'the ball and chain' (my husband doesn't do this, but some other people do.) My husband and I discuss things and reach agreements, he does not give me orders and I do not obey, like a child or an animal. I hate being referred to as a 'girl' in a professional setting. There are some women who would be happy to choose some of these things, and there are other women who would not choose what I have chosen for myself.

If a woman feels that she's not 'allowed' to get married, or to stay home with her children, or to wear dresses because she thinks that that would be against being a feminist, then that is not the point of feminism. Women's rights is about women having choices. If a woman chooses to be a stay at home mum who bakes for her children and folds her husband's socks, and she is happy doing that, then good on her. Other women should be able to choose what they want. Heck, if someone else chooses to 'love, honour and obey' both in their wedding vows and in the day to day life of their marriage, then that's great, as long as it is their choice and it works for them.

Women should be able to choose the life that they want for themselves - whatever that life happens to look like. At its core, being a feminist is not about your name, your clothes, your marital status or your career. It is about the fundamental value and worth of women, how they are viewed by society and how they view themselves, not about if you shave your armpits or not.


Part 3: What about the men?
Part 5: Women's roles in economic contributions (tomorrow)

Girls and Women Change our World: What about the men?

Series introduction

One of the biggest disservices that we can do to IWD and women’s rights in general is to think – and perpetuate the idea – that IWD and women’s rights are only about women.

Women’s rights are not solely the concern of women, just as other issues are not solely the concern of those affected. Human beings take action when they feel it is required. We can call for action to prevent the spread of infectious diseases without having AIDS or malaria. We can participate in a fun run fundraiser for cancer research without having cancer. We can call for marriage equality without being gay – we can be straight but not narrow. We can Stand Up against poverty, even though we aren’t malnourished children facing death from preventable illness before our fifth birthdays. Heck, we can even buy fundraising chocolate bars from the local footy club without playing junior footy. One does not need to be directly involved in a problem to see that it is unjust and to cry for change, healing and hope.

It is not just possible for men to care about women’s rights, but essential. Men need to be strong role models to other men and boys about how to act. Men need to teach their sons and nephews and students and mates and brothers and fathers and neighbours what is acceptable. ‘Locker room banter’ is disrespectful to men, as well as to women. How will a young man ever learn to treat his girlfriend with respect, if he has never seen that modelled?

As asked my husband if he had changed his thinking about women’s issues now that he is a father of a daughter; and his answer was yes. He said that he is more conscious of thinking about women’s safety and equality, and also the messages that the media sends. He is concerned about the ‘deification of people like Paris Hilton’ and how that will impact on our precious daughter.

I am also reminded of when I completed a teaching practicum when I was at university. It was in my final year, and I had a ten week prac in a co-educational school. During those ten weeks I was astounded at the ways that boys and girls interacted. One of the boys once dropped a pencil from his desk, so he said to the female student next to him ‘pick it up girl’ and she did. It wasn’t playful banter, but an order, and she obeyed. The sexist jokes and gutter humour abounded – in the playground and the staffroom. One student was subjected to disciplinary action due to his comments to me of an inappropriate nature. Another student, who was going to drop the subject I was teaching before I arrived, suddenly decided that he wanted to attend extra lunchtime tutorials now that I was running them, and my supervising teacher encouraged me to do this as it got kids interested and engaged. (She did go on to tell me that I couldn’t rely on my looks as one day they would fade and I would need other methods to teach, but it bothered me that my appearance was considered part of my teaching repertoire when teaching teenaged boys. She was an excellent supervising teacher in many other ways and I feel privileged to have learned from her, but this one piece of ‘advice’ has left a bitter taste in my mouth.)   

Until this point in time, most of my work with teenagers had been in all-girl environments. I had worked in two all-girls boarding schools, and had been a Girl Guide leader for years. I myself had attended an all-girls high school. I thought that this was normal behaviour – for boys to look down on girls, and for girls to accept it.

For my final ten week prac, I was placed in a different, but still co-ed, school. I could not believe the difference in the atmosphere at this second school. Male and female students were polite to each other, and engaged as equals. Not only were sexist jokes absent from the playground and staffroom, but the students were vocal in their disapproval of sexist, racist and homophobic ‘jokes’. Indeed, the student body was concerned about some aspects of these creeping in, and they organised a formal response and statement of disapproval which was read on Assembly and published in the school newsletter. I felt comfortable walking around campus – something which I hadn’t been able to do at the previous school. It worried me that I thought that feeling uncomfortable was a normal way to feel around male students.

Strong, kind, respectful, generous, fun, caring, fierce and compassionate male role models are needed to teach boys how to behave, how to treat each other and how to treat girls. These men are also needed to teach their daughters and sisters and nieces and neighbours and friends - and student teachers - that feeling uncomfortable because of one’s gender should not be normal. These girls need to see that men are kind and caring and respectful, not to be feared or dismissed. This is why International Women’s Day is important for everyone, not just the girls.

Part 2: The girl child
Part 4: You don't exactly look like a feminist...

Girls and Women Change our World: The girl child

Series introduction

I previously spoke of when I travelled to India with Girl Guides. The reason for this was to attend a conference on children's rights advocacy. One issue which we kept returning too was the fact that whatever the issue was, it was generally worse for girls. Girls have less education, poorer health and are more likely to be in situations where they are unable to help themselves.

Educational disadvantages
- Approximately one-quarter of girls in developing countries are not in school. (Cynthia B. Lloyd, ed., Growing Up Global: The Changing Transitions to Adulthood in Developing
Countries [Washington, D.C.: National Academies Press, 2005].)
- Out of the world’s 130 million out-of-school youth, 70 percent are girls. (Human Rights Watch, “Promises Broken: An Assessment of Children’s Rights on the 10th Anniversary of the Convention on the Rights of the Child,” www.hrw.org/campaigns/crp/promises/education.html [December 1999].)


Child marriage issues
- One girl in seven in developing countries marries before age 15, and 38% marry before 18. (Population Council, “Transitions to Adulthood: Child Marriage/Married Adolescents,”  www.popcouncil.org/ta/mar.html [updated May 13, 2008] and Cynthia B. Lloyd, ed., Growing Up Global: The Changing Transitions to Adulthood in Developing Countries [Washington, D.C.: National Academies Press, 2005].)
- Girls who have not been to school are far more likely to be married as a child than those girls who have gone to school. (International Center for Research on Women, Too Young to Wed: Education & Action Toward Ending Child Marriage, www.icrw.org/docs/2006_cmtoolkit/cm_all.pdf [2007].)
- A survey in India found that girls who married before age 18 were twice as likely to report being beaten, slapped, or threatened by their husbands as were girls who married later. (International Center for Research on Women, Development Initiative on Supporting Healthy Adolescents [2005], analysis of quantitative baseline survey data collected in select sites in the states of Bihar and Jharkhand, India [survey conducted in 2004].)

Girls are uniquely positioned to have a positive effect on our world.

For more information head over to The Girl Effect.



Part 1: What are the issues?
Part 3: What about the men?

Girls and Women Change our World: What are the issues?

Series introduction

The issues which I have listed below are by no means exhaustive, and there’s a very strong baby/ pregnancy bias, which is indicative of my current stage in life. The issues below are things which I would point out to people who make statements like ‘women have equality now, get over it and stop playing the victim’ and ‘maternity leave is sexist’.

Access to paid maternity leave is crucially important, for mother and baby as well as for the family and society at large. It is healthy for both mother and baby to be together during the newborn months. This is crucial to establishing the breastfeeding relationship, and to provide security to both mother and child.

Being close to one’s baby and not returning to work too early is also important to a woman’s recovery from pregnancy and childbirth (aside from the benefits to baby). Some women have very easy pregnancies and births and are ready to go very soon after, but many are not. Breastfeeding (more than pumping) ensures that a woman sits still and rests for large portions of the day, and feeding helps to contract the uterus and therefore aids in recovery.

Of course, this is not always possible even aside from the paid work and maternity leave considerations, particularly for very ill babies who are hospitalised or for babies who have sadly lost their mothers. Paid maternity leave allows the mother, baby and the rest of the family to decide when they are ready to separate if the mother chooses to return to work, rather than being forced into it for financial or industrial reasons.

Paid maternity leave is not only for mother and baby. Paid maternity leave is good for the economy. Generally, it is not a money leech where women can scam the system and get free leave. It is usually cheaper for the business/ industry if women are paid maternity leave that it is for them to resign. If a woman (or anyone for that matter) leaves the paid workforce, then she takes all of her professional skills and training with her. By staying engaged in the workforce, then these skills are not lost. The Productivity Commission supported this view in 2009, which was followed by the introduction of Paid Parental Leave. I will discuss this more later in the week.

Access to affordable and competent prenatal, birth and postnatal care

Me at 32 Weeks

Medical complications from pregnancy and childbirth are the leading cause of death for females aged 15 – 19 worldwide. (United Nations Children’s Fund, Equality, Development and Peace, www.unicef.org/publications/files/pub_equality_en.pdf [New York: UNICEF, 2000], 19.) That’s more than car accidents, cancer or infectious diseases.

Medical care needs to be competent and affordable, both in developing and developed countries. I was very sick in my pregnancy with hyperemesis gravadrium. The medication which I needed to take daily or twice daily from Week 7 to Week 41 was about $15 a dose, so I spent over $5000 on that medication. This medication is not listed on the Pharmaceutical Benefits Scheme for HG. However, all of my other pregnancy and postnatal care was very affordable. The gap fee of a few GP visits, and parking at the hospital – which came to about $300 – were the only other costs to me. The Medicare portion of my GP visits, all my prenatal midwife and obstetrician appointments, prenatal classes, four ultrasounds, anti D injections, five visits to Emergency for intravenous antiemetics and fluid, eight days hospital accommodation and food for me, midwife care for two days of labour and six days postnatal, an epidural, a Caesarean, IV antibiotics, anticoagulants, post surgery painkillers, oxygen treatment and a visit from the physiotherapist were all ‘free’. For Chubs we received time in the Special Care Nursery, IV antibiotics, six days of neonatal care, numerous paediatrician visits, midwife care for six days, a renal ultrasound, a midwife home visit, two echocardiograms and a cardiologist consultation. All of this was ‘free’ too.

When I say ‘free’, of course I know this is not free, but paid for by the taxpayer. This is why it is crucially important that women can contribute to the workforce and pay taxes. Just as paid maternity leave is beneficial economically, so is competent and affordable pre and post natal care. Again, I will discuss this more later in the week.

Many women in the world do not have access to competent, affordable and available care like I do. Increasing access should be a priority, and was identified as such in the Millennium Development Goals (MDG 5: Improve maternal health). 2015 is rapidly approaching, and we cannot waste any more time.  

It is also important that women are given choice in their prenatal care. If women cannot access care which is suitable to them, then some choose riskier options (such as no care) if the available care choices are too hard or traumatic for them to endure. A greater variety of care options would help with this.

Legal protection of one's right to breastfeed or express milk, and protection from sexual discrimination. No woman should be discriminated against for caring for her child. This included blatant discrimination (for example, being refused service in a café) as well as less obvious discrimination (for example, not being allowed breaks to express milk during the work day, therefore preventing a woman from working). I spoke more about this previously and I will again address the economic considerations later in the week.

Flexible working arrangements which are family friendly benefit both mothers and fathers. The option of part time work, being able to bank flexi time, to alter work hours either regularly or as a one off, to work from home and many other options can help to keep parents and caregivers of both genders engaged in the work force. Different jobs and industries have varying abilities to be flexible. Schools and shops for instance are limited by their opening hours, and there are many jobs which just cannot be completed off site. If employers and employees are creative and committed however, then flexibility can be maximised where possible.

Available, affordable and flexible childcare is also essential to allowing parents and caregivers to be part of the work force. If someone has one child and works regular business hours in a large city, then generally a suitable arrangement can be found. However, shift workers, those with a rotating roster or irregular hours, those in a small town with limited options for childcare, or with many children may experience more difficulty in getting care for their children.

One of the ways in which the Knit-a-Square team distribute the hand knitted blankets is through informal crèches. These carers look after these children with barely nothing – one place was run out of an old shipping container. The children are left here so that their caregivers can look for work. This is a long way from acceptable care, however it’s the best option that these precious children have.

There are certainly many, many other issues which are facing women and girls in today’s world. This list is a starting point, however, for those who suggest that IWD is no longer relevant – it most certainly is.

Part 2: The girl child

Girls and Women Change our World: Introduction

This week's internationally important event is International Women's Day.

International Women’s Day (IWD) is celebrated on March 8th across the world.
IWD is a global day celebrating the economic, political and social achievements of women in the past, present and future. It is a day when women are recognised for their achievements, regardless of divisions, whether national, ethnic, linguistic, cultural, economic or political.

It is an occasion for looking back on past struggles and accomplishments, and more importantly, for looking ahead to the untapped potential and opportunities that await future generations of women.

From the IWD website 

There are many complex issues facing women and girls across the globe, and IWD is still crucially important. Anyone who thinks that 'Women's Lib' is a thing of the past is gravely mistaken.

In honour of this week, I would like to post a series entitled 'Girls and Women Change our World' to highlight issues of critical importance to girls and women, and to celebrate girls and women.


Part 1: What are the issues?

Part 2: The girl child

Part 3: What about the men?

Part 4: You don't exactly look like a feminist...

Part 5: Women’s roles in economic contribution

Part 6: Saturday Snippets: Girls and Women Change our World edition.

Part 7: Profiles of contributions




Linked
Linked

Dear Facebook: Breastfeeding is not obscene

Tomorrow will be a big day at the Facebook office in Sydney. Breastfeeding mothers are planning on having a 'nurse in' to protest against the way in which breastfeeding photos are continually treated as obscene by Facebook, and photos are removed and accounts have been locked in response to this. Whilst Facebook officially says that they have no issue with breastfeeding photos, time and time again this has been shown to not be what actually occurs. (More on their policy below.) For more information see here. This event is also occuring at other Facebook offices around the globe.

Breastfeeding is a normal part of life, and should therefore be shared with one's social network. Indeed, a woman's right to breastfeed (in public or anywhere) is protected under Australian law. It is therefore perfectly reasonable and healthy to post photos of breastfeeding on one's Facebook page.

There are some who would disagree with my statements with the following arguments which I will address in turn.

"Going to the toilet is natural too, that doesn't mean you should post photos of that"
I would like to preface this by saying that anyone who doesn't know the difference between having a meal and defecating is not welcome in my kitchen. This implies that a baby feeding is dirty, unsanitary and should be behind closed doors. Firstly, this is not the case - a woman has the right to feed her child wherever she and her child are allowed to be. Secondly, following this logic, then all eating by people of all ages, breathing and moving are not fit for public display, because they are natural too. This is absurd.

Exposed breast while feeding a child = porn
The idea that a breast, and therefore breastfeeding, is sexual is an idea which is firmly intrenched in society. Do you recall the media fuss when photos of Miranda Kerr breastfeeding were released? Some was negative, a lot was positive, but consider the fuss which is made of normal bikini modelling photos of Kerr. That's right, not a blip.

Body parts can have multiple roles. Yes, breasts have a sexual role. A woman's hands, lips and tongue also have sexual roles. If breasts need to be covered in public because they are sexual, then all women (and men for that matter) should be wearing gloves whenever they leave the house. Many people in Western countries find the idea that a woman is required to cover her face very oppressive and offensive. Following the breast = porn logic, then everyone should be wearing veils as well as gloves.

"I'm all for public breastfeeding, as long as it's discreet"
This is one that really gets my goat. Firstly, let's define 'discreet'. If by 'discreet', you mean 'put a blankie over your shoulder, your baby and your breast' then I would like to suggest that you may be unaware of how to breastfeed. The most probable time for a 'nip slip' is when the child is attaching, which is also the least practical time to cover up. Most mothers, especially in the newborn months, need to see their baby's mouth and their breast as well as using about ten hands to get the baby to attach properly. This is practically impossible to do under a blanket or nursing cover. In addition, some (many?) children are quite uncomfortable feeding under a blanket and will simply rip the blanket off, or scream (and not feed) until it is removed.

If by 'discreet' you mean 'invisible' then I would counter that again breastfeeding should not be invisible. Again, it is the normal way to feed babies and should be seen as much as any other normal activity like greeting a friend, colouring in, playing in the sandpit or going for a swim at the beach. In addition, feeding with a blanket or a nursing cover usually only serves to draw attention to the fact that one is breastfeeding. I have breastfed during professional development sessions, staff meetings, meals with friends and family and many other occasions when people around me were totally unaware of Chubs' feeding, and on none of those occasions did I use a nursing cover.

Secondly, breastfeeding should not be discrete any more than any other activity. Many babies are more comfortable feeding in a quiet room, or under a blanket to protect from distractions. Some mothers choose the privacy of a nursing cover or a feeding room. (Indeed, there have been times when I have moved to a different room to feed when I felt that was the best thing to do in the circumstances. I also tried to feed Chubs under a blanket when the 'distracted stage' set in at about five months.) Some people prefer to take phone calls in private, some people don't like to talk about their financial matters in front of others. In each of these examples and countless others, the choice for privacy is just that - a choice - not a dictated rule.

"Ugh, I don't want to see that"
Some people will argue that the appropriateness of breastfeeding in public is merely a difference of opinion. This is not the view that federal law takes. A woman's right to breastfeed her child anywhere that she or her child are allowed to be is protected under the Sexual Discrimination Act of 1984. Recent ammendments also specifically including expressing breastmilk under the Act. (Expressing was never excluded, but is now specifically addressed.) To ask a woman to stop breastfeeding, to ask her to move on or to refuse her service because she is breastfeeding is unlawful and sexual discrimination. I believe anyone who thinks that it is ok to do any of these things should say exactly what that believe - that sexual discrimination and illegal behaviour is acceptable to them.

Further words on Facebook's breastfeeding policy.

Firstly, as said above, the big issue is that Facebook employees appear to be acting outside this policy.

Secondly, in response to

Photos that show a fully exposed breast where the child is not actively engaged in nursing do violate Facebook's Statement of Rights and Responsibilities. 

I would certainly be interested to see how Facebook, and the Human Rights and Equal Opportunities Commission, would define 'not actively engaged in nursing'. I would wager that the person who wrote this policy has little understanding of how nursing works, especially with older babies and children.

Thirdly, in response to

It is important to note that photos which we act upon are almost exclusively brought to our attention by other users who complain about them being shared on Facebook.

Other people can make complaints which are racist, sexist, inflammatory or just plain wrong - that does not excuse Facebook from acting decently. Indeed, is that not why the reporting mechanism exists, so that Facebook can assess the validity of a complaint before acting (or not acting) on it?

Breastfeeding is a normal part of life. Social networking is about sharing our lives with others, and that includes breastfeeding. Shape up Facebook and practice what you preach. Breastfeeding is not obscene. For more information and to add your voice visit the Facebook group for the Sydney event, open letters to Facebook and some of the images considered to be 'obscene'. Please also add your views in the comments below.