Fabulous Croquet

I played croquet this afternoon with some long time girlfriends. It was truly lovely.

 

Chubs was having some Daddy time, and we had some yummy food, lovely conversation and great weather.

 

My croquet skills were moderate for a beginner (ie pretty rubbish...) The club had a staff member who walked around with us telling us what to do and what the rules were which helped a lot! 

 

 

Everything is better with cupcakes 

 

Sadly a lot of my photos didn't work out and I can't seem to upload them. :(   It was a lovely afternoon though - highly recommended. My best wishes to my dear friend xx

Exercise, diet and weight loss

So, about two weeks ago, I found out that I'm overweight. According to my BMI of 26.9...

Once you have measured your BMI, you can determine your healthy weight range. If your BMI is:
- Under 18.5 - you are very underweight and possibly malnourished.
- 18.5 to 24.9 - you have a healthy weight range for young and middle-aged adults.
- 25.0 to 29.9 - you are overweight
- Over 30 - you are obese.

I've been steadily putting on weight over the last twelve years since I've left school. I've averaged about two kilograms a year, and have slowly gone from a size 8 to a 14. I did lose a lost of weight when I was pregnant however, so my gain-per-year rate is actually higher than two.

Contributing factors which I can see include
- a less than stellar diet (not awful, but room for improvement)
- no exercise
- motherhood
- hormones/medications
- not being seventeen any more

My diet is ok, but not great. We try to eat healthy foods, but I probably eat too many carbs and too much cheese. We don't tend to buy lollies, chocolate, soft drink and the like but when things get busy I will eat whatever is shelf stable and quick (such as cheese on toast, or raiding the chocolate drawer at work.) I try to keep portions down, but this is perhaps something that I need to work harder on.

I currently do very little exercise. I used to go to the gym before Chubs was born, but it just became too hard after she was here. They do have a creche at the gym, but none of us were comfortable leaving her there. There wasn't anything wrong with the creche, however Chubs was always more comfortable with people whom she knew. The expense when I wasn't attending was guilt inducing and I didn't really feel that it was working before Chubs, let alone after. I cancelled my membership when I finished my maternity leave.

Motherhood itself has probably had a large effect too. Whilst pregnancy for me wiped of 12 kilos and the 500 calories a day that breastfeeding uses were very helpful, the craziness and constant demands of life with a little one mean that often meals are easy, quick and shelf stable - more cheese on toast. If we're out during the day (which we often are) we will stop at a cafe for a coffee/ bubbachino and a little something to break up the day and give little legs a rest. One thing that we do a lot is attend mothers' groups and go on playdates. I was talking to Chubs about a friend (from mothers' group) that we were ging to visit. When I asked her what she was going to play with her friend she told me 'babies and coffee and playgrounds' - which shows that she knows her from mothers' group! Everyone brings a plate, and while we often have fruit, veggies sticks and other healthy options, the cake, chocolate biccies and other yummy yummy goodness are always in plentiful supply, as they are at birthday parties.

I've been on various medications that have had an effect on my mass (I think) but it's always hard to know as I can't exactly run a controlled test without a time machine. Dysmenohhorea, possible PCOS and possible gestitational diabetes haven't helped with trying to work out what is going on either. While 500 - 600 calories a day is the commonly quote figure for exclusive breastfeeding, I'm yet to find any information on the calorie demand of breastfeeding a toddler.

So, where to from here? I have decided that I need to do something. There are many reasons why diet and exercise won't work for me, but I need to just work towards 'better'. I have taken the approach that anything is better than nothing. In the last fortnight I have started to think about and implement changes in my diet, and I have done two exercise sessions so far.

I've been quite open in this post, since I want to share my journey. By following the example of others, I have realised that I need to think outside the box and look for possible solutions rather than just seeing roadblocks.

Coming soon:
Exercise changes
Diet changes

I Support You Movement

This week is World Breastfeeding Week. I know that I bang on about breastfeeding a lot - because it's important to me.

However, one thing that trumps breastfeeding or anything else everytime is support, and love. It was with much excitement that I heard about the I Support You campaign. Suzanne Barston, the Fearless Formula Feeder, Jamie Lynne Grumet (of Time Magazine cover fame) and Kim Simon of Mama By The Bay have launched the "I Support You" campaign.

The I Support You movement is a respectful, empathetic, compassionate exchange between parents. We all feed our children differently, but we are all feeding with love, and in ways that work for our individual circumstances and family dynamics. I Support You is the first step in helping formula-feeding, breast-feeding, and combo-feeding parents to come together and lift each other up with kindness and understanding. We have chosen to announce this movement during World Breastfeeding Week, to honor the commitment of those who fight for better support for breastfeeding moms; we are inspired by this, but believe that by changing the focus to supporting all parents, we can truly provoke positive change without putting the needs of some mothers above the needs of others. The “I Support You” movement aims:

1) To bridge the gap between formula-feeding and breastfeeding parents by fostering friendships and interactions.

2) To dispel common myths and misperceptions about formula feeding and breastfeeding, by asking parents to share their stories, and really listening to the truth of their experiences.

3) To provide information and support to parents as they make decisions about how to feed their children.

4) To connect parents with local resources, mentors, and friends who are feeding their children in similar ways.

With that in mind, I submit the above. I chose a coffee cup, because I'm not super keen on photos of my daughter and me being publicly available, but also because a friendly chat over a cup of coffee has often been a source of support for me. So, regardless of if you are a coffee drinker or not, to all the loving mothers out there - I support you.

I urge you all to celebrate support, diversity and inclusiveness, to leave the MummyWars behind, and to share the love around.

 

Happy Birthday to my breastfeeding baby - again (Part Three)

Read Part One here
Read Part Two here

Well, The Day came. No Mummy milk allowed until bedtime. We'd prepared, discussed, and braced ourselves. I expected the tantrums to be epic, for her poor little world to be ripped from her, while we tried to support her as best we could.

What do you know - it was ok. No diasters, no tantrums, no screaming. She asked for Mummy milk in the afternoon, and I said my well rehearsed 'No darling, you're too big for Mummy milk in the day time now. Remember no Mummy milk in the day time after your party?' She was happy with a cuddle and a drink of water instead. Well, she wasn't really happy, perhaps 'reluctantly accepting' is a better description. She had a little bit of a whimper, a snuggle and her water bottle and she was ok. No screaming, no crying, no tantrums. Wow.

It seemed that I'd underestimated her ability to understand what was going on; I'd sold her short. Day weaning so far has been far less painful for everyone than we were expecting, and I'm very thankful for that.

After The Day we tried to make things as smooth as possible for Chubs. I skipped playdates and made other arrangments for meetings for a week or two where there were likely to be breastfeeding bubs. Daddy started to offer 'honey milk' (warm cows' milk in a cup with a teeny drop of honey) when 'Mummy milk pweeze' was called for. We continued to distract as needed - either with a different activity or by offering 'Daddy milk - tee hee hee' or suggesting that one of her teddies have 'Chubs milk'. Last week I was holding a newborn baby for a moment while her mother got her things ready to leave. Chubs insisted that I hold the baby up to her to pretend to have 'Chubs milk' - she even told the baby off when I handed her back to her mum saying 'other side! other side!'

A month on and she still sometimes asks for 'Mummy milk' during the day but again is generally happy with 'No Mummy milk in the daytime, remember?' I'm not going to jinx it and actually call her day weaned just yet, but things are certainly going well. She generally feeds to sleep at night, and I still give her a feed if she asks after daycare (probably about two thirds of the time). She feeds in the morning if we don't have anywhere to be before 10am and can have a lazier start, but on my work days it's up and go go go so there's no time for milky snuggles and no one seems to mind - it's been this way for at least six months. I had expected an increase in night feeds to compensate for the day time drought, but it never really happened. She often sleeps through (about five times a week) and when she does wake it's generally towards the end of the night and one quick feed is enough to get us both back to sleep quickly (although it is a pain to get out of bed now she's in her own room - now I remember why I liked cosleeping in the first place!)

I've noticed a difference in my attitude to breastfeeding. I'm resenting it less and enjoying it more, which is just how it should be. I am missing feeding during the day - just a little. What I'm missing a lot more was having breastfeeding in my 'parenting toolbox' - Chubs gave up feeding out and about to reconnect/ destress a long time ago (too much going on) but I could still use it to get her to sit still for five minutes. I do miss that now when I try to stall for time and finish an urgent conversation! Since we're only feeding at night I'm not feeding in public anymore, and I do miss the smiling nods to other mothers with a baby at the breast (it looks a bit funny if I do 'the nod' without a child at the breast!) Overall the changes have been for the best, and all three of us are happier now.

I now post the same question that I did a year ago - so, where to from here? My answer this year is the also same as last year - simply, on. As with any good relationship, our breastfeeding one has faced change and our whole family responded with love, support, respect and flexibility. Our breastfeeding relationship changed a great deal in it's first year, and just as much in it's second year. What Chubs' third year will bring, breastfeeding or otherwise, I'm sure will be just the same - full of colour, excitement, unpredictibility, hope, tears, laughter, craziness, gusto and love.

Happy Birthday to my breastfeeding baby - again (Part Two)

Read Part One here

When Chubs was about 18 or 19 months old, it got too much for me. All of the gentle rules I had put in place weren't enough. I was resenting feeds, and was frequently but inconsistently refusing. It was hard for Chubs to understand that the rule had become 'you can feed whenever you feel like it, if you ask nicely and sit properly as long as I'm not doing something else and I'm not in a cranky mood and I'm happy to feed, but feeding is driving me nuts so I don't want to feed you right now but I definately don't want to wean and even if I did I can't just cut you off straight away because I'm in a bad mood, so you can have a feed now because I know this is normal toddler behaviour but I'm not really happy about it, so I'll try to stall for a bit but then I know that's confusing so ok you can have a feed but don't expect me to be happy about it.' Not exactly simple or consistent or fair. We had lots of rules, but they weren't working.

As I had done many times before, I sought help. I emailed a breastfeeding counsellor, and received the reply of 'do we have the same child?!' With more advice and discussion with Dear Husband, we decided to wait until the disruption and chaos of the kitchen renovations were finished and then we would really cut Chubs' feeding back (but didn't have a plan about how to do so yet). It still didn't feel like time to wean, but breastfeeding wasn't working the way it was.

After we finished the renovations, things were ok again. She wasn't feeding for fifteen minutes, every twenty minutes. To share with you the clarity that hindsight gave me... No wonder she was feeding so much during the renos. For much of the time, my job was to keep Chubs away from the construction. Since most of the kitchen was stored in her bedroom, that pretty much left the high chair and my lap. We would go out as much as we could, but you can wander around the shops from wake up til bedtime. At least, not everyday. Plus, you can't do baths there. What does she like doing when she's sitting on my lap? Breastfeed. Not always, but a lot of the time, so when she's there all day, breastfeeds it was. I was offering too - breastfeeding can help to convince a toddler to sit still (heck, never mind the nutrition and immune and comfort reasons - this alone is reason enough to keep going!) Obviously, it was also a time of great change - every day she got home there was more stuff missing and/ or more stuff in. The home she's always knows was literally being torn up around her - no wonder she was seeking comfort and reassurance.

As the renovations finished up (over-time and over-budget, of course) she had room to run and play. Much more room, since we knocked out a wall and improved the storage. To quote Mayim Bialik - the world beyond my breast was calling. She certainly didn't wean as Bialik's son did, but she did cut down her feeds. Things were managable again.

Night times were great too, especially with Chubs in her own bed. Unlike many other mothers, feeding to sleep and feeding during the night don't really bother me. I mean, I'm a sucker for an uninterrupted night's sleep as anyone else, but total sleep time has always meant more to me than the number of times I've woken. Generally when Chubs 'sleeps through' she's up for the day at 5:30am -ugh. I much prefer a weekend sleep in until 7am. (Sigh - I remember when 11am was a Saturday sleep in. At least I think I do - perhaps it's an exhaustion induced hallucination.) Anyway, many mothers night wean first, but I figure we'll night wean when the effort of feeding is greater than the effort of night weaning, and we're not there yet. That said, Chubs sleeps through probably five nights a week, and most of her night feeds are 5am PleaseForTheLoveOfGodGoBackToSleepIt'sWayTooBloodyEarly feeds. So to all of those people who said that cosleeping and feeding to sleep was a bad idea - our two year old generally sleeps through in her own bed, mostly without overnight feeds, using gentle sleeping techniques and almost no night weaning techniques. Works for us!

Day time feeds were another issue. After the renovations things settled down again and continued on for a few months, but before long the all familiar situation returned. The constant feeding, my inconsistent responses, the stress and frustration for all. At about 21/ 22 months, Dear Husband and I made a decision that after her birthday we would day wean. We felt that we had reached the point where, on the balance of everything, it was better to (day) wean than to continue breastfeeding. I was using all the rules that I could think of or had heard of which worked, and it still wasn't enough. (There are many 'nursing manners' suggestions which I haven't mentioned, but some are better for older children, or children with different personalities and so on.) To restore sanity, I wanted to deal with the feeds that were stressing me out the most, and keep the feeds which we enjoyed. As I mentioned, many women want night feeds to go earlier so they night wean first, but it was the day time ones which were on the chopping block for us.

Once we had made the decision TO day wean, then next thing was to decide HOW to wean. I did have a bit of a chuckle when someone mentioned 'don't offer don't refuse' as a weaning technique - if that was going to work we would have weaned months ago! Some people suggested a special chair (wouldn't really work for us), or cutting down the length of feeds rather than the frequency (we already used counting for going back ON the breast when she was messing about, not getting off and I'd tried a song with no success). Others suggested cards (but I didn't think she was old enough to understand, nevermind the logistics of keeping track of them) or reading weaning stories (no good, she just wanted more Mummy Milk whenever she saw a breast!) All of the suggestions are great toddler weaning ones (and there were many more) but they just weren't going to cut it. Sadly, if gentle was going to work, we wouldn't have been in this position.

The more we thought about it, the more we talked about it, cold turkey (day) weaning was going to be the best way. Not particularly gentle on the face of it, but ultimately what we felt would be best, like ripping off a bandaid. More inconsistency and fuss wasn't going to meet Chubs' needs, so in many ways cold turkey was the most gentle as it would be quickand consistent, not drag it out and changing the plan all the time. Here is another crucial point - it's not just about what Chubs needs. Contrary to what she (and all other toddlers) might think, she is not the only person in the world who matters. She matters a great, great deal, but me and my needs matter too. As she gets older, I get to call some of the shots. A newborn pretty much gets her needs met whenever, however and by whoever she wants - a toddler is learning patience, respect and consideration. I don't want Chubs to learn that she can get whatever she wants all the time with no boundaries at the expense of someone else's wants and needs. This was also about teaching her that breastfeeding is a relationship, and in a relationship both people matter.

After we decided that cold turkey day weaning would be better in this situation than stretching it out, we wanted to make it as gentle as we could. We were the ones changing the rules on her. We were the ones who were deciding that what was preciously and acceptable and even encouraged behaviour for her whole entire life was now suddenly not allowed. So we did what we did for all changes. We picked a date (her birthday party, not her actual birthday as to me it was more significant for her) and we talked about it. 'Chubs, after you're party you'll be a big girl and you won't need Mummy milk in the daytime any more.' We pointed out friends of hers who were 'big kids' who didn't have Mummy milk in the daytime - mind you, we know lots of families who feed for many months/ years, so we had to look closely at who it was before pointing this out! Since breastfeeding has been a big part of her life we encouraged her to feed her toys and other breastfeeding play that she was already doing. She's a very funny kid and often jokes about having 'Daddy milk' or 'Nanny milk' or 'Auntie milk' so it's very much a part of her world.

We prepared ourselves, Dear Husband and I decided what we would do. Only Mummy Milk at night, and at daycare pick up. (In the end I added in day time nap feeds too, although naps are few and far between now.) We prepared our neighbours across the street, across town and across the country for the screaming. This was not going to be pretty.

Once we made this decision, it was actually quite strange. I didn't mind feeding any more. Once I knew there was an end point, it was tolerable. It was quite the Catch 22. I even considered not day weaning because feeding wasn't bugging me anymore, but that would be like bringing Schrodinger's cat back to life before you killed it, so we continued with the plan.

Her birthday came and I posted this on my Facebook

To my unintentional WHO baby, thank you for the privilege of breastfeeding you for the last two years. I never planned to feed you as long as this, but it hasn't felt like time to stop for either of us yet. Despite biting issues, lipase/ scalding issues, gymnurstics and small amounts of cracked nipples, thrush and reflux, this has been an amazing gift, both from me to you and from you to me. I will always remember what it's like both to be a working/ pumping mother, and to nurse a wonderfully wild toddler - both are their own unique kind of crazy. To those who supported us even if it 'wasn't your thing', to those who taught me so much, to those who listened and offered support; thank you. To my darling husband - thank you for your unwavering love and support.
This has been a wonderful journey for our little family, and I will be forever grateful x

 

It was actually quite emotional that night. Yes it was my precious girl's birthday, but actually feeding her until her birthday - putting a tick in that 'two years' box was strange. I'd never set out to feed for two years. I never had any timeframe in mind actually. I had a vague plan of day weaning at twelve months, but I also had the plan that we wouldn't watch TV all day long, too. Nothing had really changed since the day before, or the week before, but that actual day was strange. It was a very similiar feeling to how I felt after Dear Husband and I got married. We still loved each other as much, and but for a date on the calendar and some traditions it was only 24 hours later, but it still felt weird. Good weird, but weird none the less.

 

We had her party that weekend (photos of cake to come soon, I promise). I had prepared myself for a last feed during the day, but as it was the beyond-breast world was too exciting, and she didn't ask all day long. Oh the irony - this was exactly what I wanted, and tomorrow it would be oh so different.

 

Continued in Part Three 

Happy Birthday to my breastfeeding baby - again (Part One)

Our little princess is two. She's a raging ball of excitement, enthusiasm and energy. She loves singing nursery rhymes, dancing and drawing. She plays with her Duplo and Little People and play food. Some of her favourite games are playing dolls, playing cars, jumping in muddy puddles and going out to watch the garbage truck. She's also a WHO baby - but more on that later.

When I blogged about breastfeeding her for a year I said this about what would happen next
So, where to from here? Well, simply - on. Breastfeeding is beneficial and enjoyable for everyone in our family, so we will continue. Perhaps Chubs will wean soon on her own, perhaps I will encourage weaning. Perhaps something will happen which will force weaning; I don't know. There are two people in this breastfeeding relationship and we will continue while everyone is happy.
Well, it's yes and no to pretty much each of those points. Yes, she's still breastfeeding. No, I'm no longer pumping (except for one time when a friend needed some milk). Yes, it's still beneficial and enjoyable - at times, in some ways; it's also downright disasterous, stressful and upsetting at times, too. She certainly hasn't weaned, but is moving towards it - as she has been from when she first started eating solid food. Weaning - well, it's complicated. The three people in this family are happy - now.

When I left off at one year, Chubs was 'feeding on ask-nicely' (not feeding on demand-and-whinge), kinda. I would delay a feed if I was cooking dinner, or I was busy. Once I stopped pumping at for daycare, things were much more managable. As with all things with Chubs, we kept going along in a gentle, loving way, until something changes.

I while ago - I think when Chubs was a newborn - I came across this post at The Leaky Boob which I strongly, strongly recommend. It explains so much about the realities of nursing a toddler. If you've not read it, please go and read it now.

To paraphrase - if a toddler is frustrated and throws her broccoli on the floor, most people don't say 'well, time to stop eating vegetables'. If a toddler becomes 'overly attached' and decides that she MUST HAVE eight different stuffed toys in bed with her at night, most people just chalk it up as a 'phase' - they don't declare the child's bed a toy-free zone for fear that she will never become independent. If a toddler is scared or overwhelmed and wants a cuddle or to hide behind Mummy's leg, then most people 'indulge' the toddler, knowing that she is seeking help with meeting a need, and that she will come out at play when she feel happy, comfortable and safe. When a toddler asks for 'drinky' or 'teddy' or 'Daddy' we celebrate and encourage her language development and her ability to ask for what she wants/ need - and we give her what she has asked for (if appropriate, of course).

However, when any of these things involve breastfeeding, it seems that often breastfeeding is to blame for the 'problem'. These things generally aren't problems, they are normal toddler stages of development. In our case, Chubs developed her language skills, her need for comfort and reassurance, her ability to soothe and relax herself to sleep in the context of her little world, which includes breastfeeding.

Through breastfeeding, she has learned how to be respectful of someone else's body, time and feelings. She's learned to follow structures, and rules. She's learned how to ask nicely, how to say please and thank you. She's learned boundries, and that there are two people in this nursing relationship, and three people in this family. She's learned about a bedtime routine, and about Saturday morning snuggles. She's learned about love, family, togetherness and support.

Would she have learned all these things if she'd weaned at one day, one week, one month or one year? Of course she would have. Any toddler in a loving home learns about these things in the context of her environment, and breastfeeding is part of Chubs'.

Soon after her first birthday, I had some medical issues which made weaning (through drastically cutting my supply) a very real possibility. Whilst the frustrations that I had with many doctors who continued to blame breastfeeding for my issues (um, I wasn't breastfeeding when this was a problem when I was fifteen!) are the topic for another post, suffice it to say that what I needed wasn't just a breastfeeding friendly doctor, but a breastfeeding knowledgable one. At last I found her, and I had two options - one which would drastically cut my supply, and the other which had issues and complications of its own. After further investigation, discussion with Dear Husband, considering the benefits and risks of each option (including the benefits and risks to both Chubs and me of continuing to breastfeed and of weaning) I decided to try the non-supply cutting option. Thankfully, our predictions were correct and it has been a great treatment choice. I will never forget however, the panic that I felt at forced weaning. Even at an age when many children have already weaned or are almost there, it didn't feel right for us - actually, it felt very very wrong. Had the circumstances been different, then of course the outcome might have been different. I'm very thankful that we were able to navigate the issue and find a workable plan. Many women face breastfeeding issues which may force weaning at all stages; thankfully, on the balance of everything, we were able to find a way through.

Don't get me wrong, it hasn't all been happiness and joy and unicorns farting rainbows (to borrow a phrase - I told you to read the Leaky Boob post above). Sure enough, before I knew it, breastfeeding a toddler was. driving. me. fucking. insane. The gymnurstics were giving me sore breasts, and sometimes the frequency drove me bonkers. The same child who would happily go all day at daycare without a feed would feed con-stant-ly when she was with me. One morning I was out with a friend who had a daughter weeks older than Chubs and a newborn, and Chubs had more feeds than the newborn did.

At first we tried gentle rules. I canvassed lots of friends who had fed toddlers (a few IRL but mostly online) about what strategies they used. (The same way that I ask for ideas about what to put in lunchboxes, or to make outings less stressful, or how to manage bedtime - you know, pretty much like every other aspect of parenting.) At first some gentle guidelines were enough to keep me sane.

- I rarely offered feeds, and fairly frequently refused (or delayed). Chubs was so keen that this wasn't a biggie. I've heard of other kids who self wean much earlier - Chubs certainly wasn't  one of those.

- "When x then y" became a big thing. "When I've finished paying for the groceries, then you can have Mummy Milk." After only two or three times, Chubs learned that she could trust me to offer when we actually got the the 'when' bit, so this worked really well for us for a while. In my mind, it's acceptable for a newborn to scream and carry on asking for a feed while shopping, and either to cut the shopping trip short or to feed at the checkout. That's reasonable to expect of a newborn. It's also a reasonable expectation for a toddler to wait ten seconds or ten minutes for a feed - especially when she's munching on a biscuit while she's waiting and Mummy's doing something else.

- No gymnurstics. With a newborn, it's all very important to have correct positioning, so that you can get correct attachment and the baby can drain the breast effectively without damaging the nipples - and so on. With a toddler, it's certainly been my experience that just waving a breast in the general direction of the child is enough to be called 'positioning'. However, once the novelty wore off, all I was left with was sore breasts. Just because you can feed while watching TV and dancing to The Wiggles, doesn't mean I'm going to let you. We tried a few different positions and rules - like everything, it's an ongoing process of what works and what needs to change. All that really works now is sitting sideways on my lap or lying down. I've vetoed sitting next to me, moving while feeding, watching TV while feeding, switching sides more than three times and feeding from the 'top' breast when lying down.

- I continued the rules that we already had like asking nicely, no pinching, no hitting, no squirming.

So over the past year, we developed these rules, and continued our happy, exciting, crazy life of drawing, playdough, daycare, playgrounds, groceries and play time. Breastfeeding was just part of what we did - free of the fuss of pumping or needing EBM or formula, we continued on, making adjustments as required. However, as I said above, the time came when all of the rules we had developed weren't enough and I was going absolutely. fucking. insane over breastfeeding, and drastic action was called for.

to be continued in Part Two and Part Three

What is said and what a mother hears

There are some things which as a mother I get a little, um, sensitive about. I don't know it it's hormonal, if it's some sort of rite of passage, or it's just me being a bit crazy, but sometimes what I hear isn't exactly what is said.

What Dear Husband says: "You know darling, Chubs's hair is getting a bit long, do you think we Should get it cut?"
What I hear: "How about we take Chubs out and get someone to slice her skin with a razor blade and then give her four tattoos."

What Dear Husband says: "You know darling, we could just buy Chubs a birthday cake"
What I hear: "You know darling, we could just buy Chubs a birthday cake, and then after the party we can let her play in a pile of used syringes and chew on some cigarette butts."

What Dear Husband says: "Hey darling, you think we should try some of these baby food pouches?"
What I hear: "If we buy Chubs these pouches then all the GoodMotherPoints you got from mashing up all that pumpkin into ice cube trays will null and void, actually all the GoodMotherPoints that you ever got from doing anything at all will be wiped if we even give her one spoon full of pre made baby food. Oh, and we should then let her chew on some lead paint."

It's crazy, it's irrational, and it's pretty bad. It's like I had a Caesaran and an ear implant at the same time, which translates perfectly reasonable suggestions into crazy-lady-extremo.

By the way, we are huge huge baby food pouch fans, probably too much so. "From six months" still counts at 19 months, right? Still no hair cut though, and it's one homemade bitrhday cake for one, so far. Phew.

Happy birthday to my breastfeeding baby

I posted about how Chubs turned one not long ago and we had a wonderful rainbow party for her. She is definitely a toddler now, not an infant. She is walking (running actually), knows a few words (Mum, Dada, ta, NanNan, stop and just this week, socks and dinosaur. I'm not kidding) and a few signs, had the most adorable pigtails and loves to dance to any music she hears. She recognises her favourite characters, will wave to puppies and people, can get off the couch or an adult bed safely and can play peekaboo. Heck, she even squirts antibacterial gel on her hands and rubs them together when we leave the petri dish that is daycare (that's my little germaphobe!). She is certainly not an infant. She's a walking, dancing, breastfeeding little girl.

It is not common to see a breastfeeding toddler. Indeed, I was first asked if she was almost weaned when Chubs was four or five months old - we hadn't even started solids yet. In Australia a little over 20% of babies are breastfed at 12 months (1) and many fully wean soon after. It is even less common to see a toddler breastfed in public. This is partly because some women find it easier to avoid the critism and just feed at home, but also practical - a toddler is not a newborn, and a toddler can be expected to wait for a feed if it's not convenient.

A toddler can also be expected to use her manners. We taught Chubs the sign language for 'milk' which she uses when she wants a feed. I much prefer her to look at me and make the sign for 'milk' (which is oh-so-cute) than to whinge and scratch at my shirt front. She is a big girl, she can use her manners. I love that when she's done she says 'ta' and pulls my shirt down to cover me up again. Of course, there's the phrase 'if they can ask for it, then they're too old for it'. Well, using that logic, Chubs has been to old since the day she was born. She 'asked' for a feed then by rooting around with her mouth, by sucking her fists and by crying. She can ask for a drink of water now by pointing at her sippy cup. She can ask for a story by picking up a book and bringing it to me - she will even swap books from my hands if she wants a different one to the one that I was trying to read to her. So using that logic, she's too old for a drink of water and a story, too. Even when she is old enough to say 'Mummy, can I have a breastfeed please?' it's not her need and desire for breastfeeding which has changed, but her cognative and language development.

So why am I still feeding her? In summary, because it is good for her, it's good for me and it's biologically normal. Nutritionally, breastmilk can provide a toddler with 31% of energy, 38% of protein, 45% of vitamin A, and 95% of vitamin C daily requirements (2). She's been a bit coldy recently and we've been trying to get her to eat some mandarins for the vitamin C but she's not been a fan. When I saw that statistic I relaxed a lot. It's a great food which is perfectly designed for her.

The immune benefits are huge - even if you ignore the nutritional and comfort benefits. If you could go to the shop and buy some sort of  'toddler immune supplement', imagine the claims they would make.
- Immune boosting properties
- Perfectly designed by a human antibody making machine
- Tailored exactly to the specific environment that you live it. Get antibodies to many of the diseases you are likely to come in contact with, both over your life time and in the short term.

Can you imagine how much of that would get sold? I can give that very substance, full of my antibodies, straight to my daughter for free, and yet I still feel the need to justify it?

The benefits of breastfeeding, of course, are more than just the properties of the milk itself. The comfort and closeness of breastfeeding is beneficial for both mother and baby, indeed the whole family (see Dear Husband's comments below.) A breastfeed can soothe a skinned knee or a shove from another kid at the playground. What's the harm in that? Many people comment on breastfeeding as shown in 'The Slap', where it was often used to avoid discipline. The problem there is not with the breastfeeding itself but the way it was used, in the same way that anything can be used as a distraction to avoid discipline. A feed to reconnect after a day apart at daycare/ work, a feed to sleep or to resettle at night or a feed after a tumble off the climbing frame at the park - a wonderful way to soothe and comfort my precious girl. There is no evidence to suggest that breastfeeding causes clinginess or emotionally needy children, indeed the opposite is often the case. She will grow out of needing to suckle for comfort, just as babies grow out of needing to suck on a dummy/ finger, needing a teddy or a blankie for comfort or needing to be swaddled at night to sleep. She will grow out of this when she is ready, or I will encourage her to wean if I'm not happy to keep feeding, but while we are both happy and both needing this connection, it will stay. Indeed, some women (such as those who have rare conditions leading to chronic under-supply like Insufficient Glandular Tissue or those who have intitated breastfeeding for an adopted baby/ child) breastfeed their child for small amounts of milk for its non nutritive benefits, and then feed the baby with a bottle for the bulk of their food requirements.

Dear Husband says that his attitude has changed. 'Now that I realise the health benefits of breastfeeding a toddler, I don't look at Chubs and think 'she's too old'. I think that we're doing the best for her health and her future by continuing and I'd rather do that for her than for her to have artificial / processed foods.' He also added about breastfeeding an older baby in general 'Some women can't and that's ok, but I think it also fosters a much more nuturing feeling in the home. It's really nice that Chubs will be playing on the floor with her toys and then she'll pop up and do the milk sign, it's a nice loving atmosphere to have'.

The World Health Organisation recommends breastfeeding for two years and beyond; and not just in third world countries, either. Dr Katherine Dettwyler (an anthropologist) has extensively studied weaning ages in other animals, particuarly non-human primates. She compared the weaning age of other mammals (particuarly large body weight non human primates) against factors such as length of gestation, weight gains, teeth development and age of sexual maturity. Using these studies she has determined he natural age of weaning for humans - that is, the age at which weaning would proably occur without cultural influences - to be between two and a half and seven years of age. Many refer to breastfeeding past 12 months as 'extended breastfeeding' but I'm not a big fan of that phrase. If it's the normal timeframe that someone should feed for, then what's extended about it? That's like saying that because we can keep babies born at 25 weeks gestation alive through artificial measures, then having a pregnancy last nine months is 'extended pregnancy'. I think the phrase 'full term breastfeeding' is more appropriate.

Now it's easy to say what things would be like without cultural and societal influences, but of course we do live within a society with expections, norms and influences. For example, gorillas can wean at whatever age they want; that doesn't change the fact that Chubs goes to daycare while I'm at work, which is obviously a hurdle in our breastfeeding relationship. 'The real world' is were we live each day, so to pretend that it doesn't exist would be foolish and unhelpful. However; here's perhaps the best thing about breastfeeding a toddler - I've already done most of the hard work. Chubs is a healthy little girl who enjoys a diet of many foods and is not reliant on breastmilk for all her nutrition, indeed some days she has very little breastmilk at all. There's no rushing home for a feed any more and it's much easier to plan feeds around a glass of wine, rather than the other way around with a pumped bottle, 'just in case'. I've not left any pumped milk for her (except at her nine/ ten hour long daycare day) for months. At 12 months my milk supply is 'practically bulletproof' - I no longer need to worry about a missed feed (or two or three). Cracked nipples, leaking and engorgment are a distant memory of last winter. Yes, breastfeeding an older baby does bring some new challenges. Since six months we've faced challenges of biting (with teeth!), sore breasts from acrobatic feeding and supply drops during my periods, but the bulk of the hard work is done. Most of the benefits for a fraction of the work - woo hoo!

I will be dropping my pumping session at work from this week, which will make a HUGE difference to my stress levels during the work day. No longer will I need to pack up the breast pump the night before, charge the batteries, pack the ice packs, go through the nightmare that was trying to fit pumping sessions into an impossibly tight teaching day, take home my expressed breastmilk in the cooler, scald the milk to inactivate the lipase and put it into labelled bottles for the freezer, wash the pump parts, recharge the batteries and then pack it all up again the next day. Once I've finished up my small freezer stash, Chubs will have soy milk or cow's milk at daycare.

I have to thank a close friend and colleague for her support during my pumping journey. We're a bit tight for space and there is no free room available at my work that I can pump in; not even a store room or something like that. (I don't have my own office but share a staff room with ten other teachers.) I've been using her office to pump in for the last six months and I really am indebted to her. If it wasn't for her letting me use her office to pump, then I'm not sure what I would have done. Had it not been possible to pump at work, then worst case scenario would have been early weaning. Thankfully I was able to avoid that. It was inconvenient for her since she needs to use her office to you know - do work in, so I appreciate that she made the effort to reorganise her day so that it would be available for me as much as she could. To thank her for her support, I made this cake to express my thanks. (See what I did there :) )

I put little milk bottles on it since they don't make little breast pump lollies.
I hope you're all impressed that I made it from scratch, too!

Breastfeeding a toddler is not only good for Chubs, but it's good for me too. Breastfeeding past 12 months lowers my risk of osteoporosis, breast cancer, ovarian cancer and anemia (3). In the same way that breastfeeding helped my body to recover from my (hellish) pregnancy, it is still helping my body now. I love that we have our special time together - well, most of the time I love it, sometimes it's frustrating out of my mind, but aren't most things with a toddler? It's a great tool for getting her to sleep and back to sleep - I'm sure I get more sleep because of breastfeeding than I would otherwise. If for no other reason than that it's a good idea! Mummy loves her sleep... :)

So, where to from here? Well, simply - on. Breastfeeding is beneficial and enjoyable for everyone in our family, so we will continue. Perhaps Chubs will wean soon on her own, perhaps I will encourage weaning. Perhaps something will happen which will force weaning; I don't know. There are two people in this breastfeeding relationship and we will continue while everyone is happy.

Do I think that everyone should breastfeed their toddler? Do I think that everyone should breastfeed full stop? As I've mentioned before, I'm a keen advocate for breastfeeding, I think it's an important public health issue and I obviously talk about it a lot. I feel that it is a responsible thing to speak out about unethical advertising of formula companies and to normalise breastfeeding. However, how a particular family choses to feed their child is totally their business, and none of mine. I fully respect others' choices as to how they feed their children and at what age they wean. There are as many different feeding/ weaning stories in the world as there are children and that diversity is to be celebrated. Please don't read this post as me telling others what to do. It's about me sharing our family's journey so far and the reasoning behind it. If you can take something from it which you think is worthwhile for your family, then I feel honoured. This is not an anti-formula post in the slightest, but a celebration of my precious breastfeeding relationship with my beautiful walking, dancing, breastfeeding little girl.

Linked

1 - Donath and Amir, 2000
2 - WHO/CDR/93.4
3 - Mortensen, K. Lactation Resource Centre

Mother's Day: How pregnancy taught me to be selfish and KASAD13

Mother's Day: How pregnancy taught me to be selfish.

It might sounds strange that motherhood and pregnancy taught me to be selfish. Isn't motherhood all about putting your child's needs first? Isn't pregnancy where another human being literally sucks the life out of you, to the detriment of the mother's health? Well, yes - let me explain.

I started vomiting the day I took a home pregnancy test, which was week 4 to the day. It was a very faint line, but I knew I was pregnant even if Dear Husband didn't believe me. I didn't 'feel' pregnant necessarily, but I knew that false positives are practically impossible when you're talking about home pregnancy tests. The next day I took another test and sure enough the second line was stronger and we were officially pregnant and overjoyed.

We started telling close friends and family, and we were planning on going public with the news (at work and on Facebook that is) at 12 weeks or so. The nausea and vomiting kept getting more persistant, but I figured that this was just par for the course. Dear Husband had a work trip to Sydney and I went with him, I was about six and a half weeks at this point. I remember spewing in the bathroom at the hotel feeling pretty awful, but none the less I thought that this vomiting was something special that I was sharing with my precious baby. Yes, I was thinking that as I was curled up over the toilet bowl. I had bought some ginger tablets and was trying dry toast, but they weren't doing much. I wasn't really fussed though, just enjoying being pregnant.

The night before we were due to fly home we couldn't check in to our flight online, nor could we check in the following morning. Thinking that it was a problem with the website we checked out of the hotel and got a cab to the airport, my trusty zip lock bags in my pocket just in case I needed to spew. When we got to the airport there were so many people queuing out of the terminal onto the footpath. I thought that it must have been so busy since it was the first day of NSW school holidays.

We got out of the cab and went to the terminal with our gear, and I stopped to vomit in the gutter. Very classy. I felt the need to explain to people that I wasn't hung over, just pregnant. Then we started to notice the news cameras and it became apparant that the website wasn't down and the airport wasn't just busy, then entire computer system for our airline had crashed across the country. Everything was having to be done manually, there was an enormous backlog and flight were being cancelled constantly.

After two hours in the queue on the footpath we made it into the foyer of the terminal. It was packed and we picked a spot near the rubbish bin which I spewed into several times. When our flight was cancelled, we knew we had to go. The line to get onto another flight was out the door again, the other airline was booked solid (and rubbing their hands with glee at all the extra customers, no doubt), the surrounding hotels were booking up fast and I had run out of sick bags. We knew that we weren't going to get anywhere that day and hanging out in a crammed airport with no hope of a flight out was not where I needed to be.

A few phonecalls later, some fortunate connections and a short cab ride later and we had one of the last rooms in one of the airport hotels. It was a tiny, tiny room - only just fitted in a double bed and the tiniest of ensuites but it was infinately better than the floor of the overcrowed terminal.

I promptly had a shower and went to bed. Dear Husband tred to get me to sip lemonade and eat small bit of bread, which worked for a while but before long I was vomiting uncontrollably. I couldn't keep down fluids and was vomiting bile constantly. Thank God we had left the airport when we did - I was so sick and I just kept going from the bed to the bucket to the shower. I'm so glad I didn't need to get though that without privacy, a bed and running water. In hindsight, I should have gone to the hospital, not a hotel, but we didn't know this then.

The next day we tried to call the airline but couldn't get through. We were only 1000km away from home - one long day of driving or two shorter days. We considered hiring a car and driving home, but we couldn't get a gurantee that the airline or insurance would pay for it. To be honest I don't think I could have done the drive anyway - vomiting into a bucket and then having no running water would have been awful. We stayed at the hotel for another night since at least we had a bed and a shower.

After two nights at the hotel we were able to get a flight home. I was supposed to be presenting at a conference that day but I had to call and cancel. Firstly I couldn't have made it there in time with the two day flight delay and secondly there was no way I could run a session in my condition. We went straight to the doctor who gave me an injection of metoclopramide (a common anti nausea drug) and I went home to bed.

Over the next week my nausea and vomiting only got worse. I had to fess up at work - it was so obvious what was going on. It was announced to staff while I found myself in hospital on a fluid drip. I remember being so upset in hospital, I felt so awful. I was thinking that I was only 8 weeks into my first pregnancy, and all I could see was the huge expanse of time in front of me. I couldn't believe how bad I felt, how awful this was and how long I had to go. At least the baby was safe, there was never any concern about her safety which was beyond wonderful.

I was diagnosed with hyperemesis gravidarum - literally 'extreme vomiting of pregnancy'. I tried metoclopramide tablets and injections, prochlorperazine suppositories, ginger, B6, seasickness bands, antihistamine tablets, eating small meals frequently and before I got out of bed but practically nothing worked. I soon found myself on ondansteron wafers. Ondansteron is a powerful antiemetic drug which works on the brain by stopping you from feeling nausea (rather than on the digestive system or muscles themselves). It's good stuff, but it's very expensive as it's not on the PBS (except for cancer patients undergoing chemotherapy.) (For those of you who don't know, in Australia most prescription medications are subsidised by the Pharmaceutical Benefits Scheme, which means that most scripts end up being about $20 or so, even though the real cost may be $100 or more. The price difference is funded by the taxpayer. Only a very small amount of the cost of ondansteron is rebated by private health insurers.) I was having to take one or two doses a day, at $15 a dose. The cost added up very quickly, and I had spent over $5000 out of pocket on ondansteron by the end of my pregnancy.

It didn't get any better, and in total I was hospitalised five times. I kept waiting for 12 weeks to see if it would get better, but no. I was waiting for 20 weeks, but no. After abou 25 weeks it did get less and I had no further trips to hospital but I was still taking the ondansetron daily - with that it was probably more like regular morning sickness for the last half of the pregnancy, I was only sick 2 - 3 times most days.

I was still working until 34 weeks, although I strugged every day. Physically and emotionally it was hard - very hard. All the talk about work/ life balance, and about priorities which you always agreed with and then went home and ignored because you had work that needed to be done - went out the window. I had to prioritise my health, full stop. It was the only way I could function. I had to do the bare minimum at work; sometimes less. I relied heavily on my colleagues. I had to look after my body - I had to take my medication, and nibble on food, and try to sip slushy drinks. I had to rest - constantly.

I had to rely on my family, friends and husband. I was not self sufficient, and I couldn't have been if I wanted to. I needed to ask for help and I needed to accept it. I couldn't bite off more that I could chew and then chew like crazy - I needed to say no. A lot. And ask for help. A lot. If I didn't, I would find myself in hospital again.

My precious girl was born six days post term at a very healthy 4.1kg (9 pound and half and ounce). Two weeks after Chubs was born, I was 12kg lighter than my pre-pregancy weight. After a quiet, slow fourth trimester I began to recover and to feel ready to rejoin the world. I have a lot more resilience now that when I was pregnant, and it's time to repay many of the favours that my friends, family and colleagues. Sometimes I need to burn the candle at both ends, and I don't always look after myself as well as I should as sometimes.

However, I have learned that my body is not to be taken for granted. It may be able to run on coffee and skipped meals for a few days, but not permanetly. I may be able to convince myself that I can cope on my own, and just choose to let people help me when it suits me, but that's not true - sometime I need other's help, and not just when I give them permission to help me. There is a limit to the sleep debt that you can run up - sometimes you need to leave work unfinished and go to bed. When it took me everything I had - and help from others - just to get through the days and weeks and months, I lerned to be selfish and look after my body. I can get away with not doing it now, but I try not to, at least not all the time.

So this is my Mother's Day message to you all - look after yourself. Your body needs you too. Just because you can go all day without a proper meal on four hours of sleep doesn't mean you should.

KASAD13 Snow and grass

This square uses boucle yarn which gives it a great texture which is great for knitting for kids. When using novelty yarns, remember that they are often synthetic and may not be very warm. This boucle was 50% wool so I felt it was ok to use as such a main part of the square, however eyelash, ribbon and furry yarns may be best only as embelishments rather than part of the 'warmth' of the square.

Materials

- 8 ply yarn, approximately 30g of C1

- boucle yarn, approximately 30g of C2

- 6mm knitting needles

- yarn needle to weave in ends, scissors to cut yarn.

Skills and difficulty
Beginner knitter
- cast on
- cast off
- knit stitch
- changing colour at the end of row
- carrying unused yarn up the side

Colours
In this example
- C1 is dark green 8 ply yarn
- C2 is white boucle yarn

Procedure
1. Cast on 32 stitches in C1
2. Knit each row (work in garter stitch) for 4 rows (2 ridges).
3. Change to C2. Knit 2 rows (1 ridge). Carry unused C1 up the side.
4. Return to C1. Knit 2 rows (1 ridge). Carry unused C2 up the side.
5. Return to C2. Knit 2 rows (1 ridge).

6. Continue to alternate C1 and C2 every 2 rows (1 ridge) until there are 13 ridges of C2. Work should measure approximately 18cm at this point. End C2.

7. Return to C1. Knit 4 rows (2 ridge).

8. Cast off and leave a 50cm tail.

9. Weave in ends and butterfly the tail.

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KASAD9: Sunburn and Mother's Day

I will be celebrating my first Mother's Day this year. I just missed it last year, at 38 weeks pregnant. Over at Create With Joy, we were asked for thoughts about mothers and Mother's Day. So, here are some thoughts in no particular order...

- Mother's Day was never really a big thing in our family growing up. Mum always said that she wanted a cuddle in the morning and a present made with love, and nothing more. It was only when I became an adult that I realised that Mother's Day was a much bigger deal for most people, on par with birthdays.
- Dear Husband said that Mother's Day wasn't really a big thing in his family growing up, either.
- Despite all that, I have found myself looking forward to this year. I'm not sure what Dear Husband and Chubs have planned for me, but we will wait and see.
- I love being a mother. It's wonderful in every way I thought and hoped it would be. Thank you sweetheart for being so wonderful x x x
- I still find it funny/  interesting the different ways that Mother's and Father's Days are treated. Mother's Day is all about giving Mum a treat or a break, but Father's Day is all about spending time with Dad. No one ever seems concerned with giving Dad a break...
- A dear friend told me a story recently about how at least Chubs was still too little to make Mother's Day difficult for me. She said it warned me it gets 'interesting' when they are old enough to make you breakfast in bed - that is, you have to sit in bed eating burnt toast and opening presents when you really need to be up getting things ready to go and visit both grandmas. I can't wait :)
- I once heard the phrase that 'Mothers become mothers when they become pregnant, but fathers become fathers when their baby is born.' What do you think about this statement? I asked Dear Husband and we both think it's true.
- I love you Chubs, my precious girl x x x

KASAD9: Sunburn

This square uses larger needles (7.5mm) and two strands of 8ply yarn. It knits up very quickly as there are less stitches and is lovely and soft.

See the tiny bit of green there? I ran out of yellow yarn, very close to the end. Rather than totally unpick the rows and start again, I added a small bit of green to go with the single strand of yellow for the last ten stitches. Remember, it's not always about being perfect - sometime good enough is just that - good enough, which is why I left the green there instead of doing it again.

Materials- 8 ply yarn in two colours. Approximately 70g of main colour, 30g of second colour.
- 7.5 mm knitting needles
- yarn needle to weave in ends, scissors to cut yarn.

Skills and difficulty
Beginner knitter
- cast on
- cast off
- knit stitch
- changing colour at the end of row
- carrying unused colour between rows

Colours
In this example, C1 is red and C2 is yellow

Procedure
1. Using 2 strands of C1, cast on 22 stitches
2. Knit every row in C1 (work in garter stitch) for 16 rows (8 ridges).
3. Knit 2 rows (1 ridge) with two strands of C2, carrying C1 up the side
4. Return to C1. Knit 2 rows (1 ridge).
5. Repeat steps 3 and 4 three times. Now you should have 4 lines of C2.
6. Knit every row in C1 (work in garter stitch) for 14 rows (7 ridges).
7. Cast off and leave a 50cm tail.
8. Weave in beginning end and butterfly the tail.

Variations
You can make more stripes in the middle by starting the lines (steps 3 and 4) earlier and continuing for longer. You just need to make sure that you have the same overall number of rows so that the finished square is 20cm (8 in) long, which for 7.2mm needles and double strands should be approximately 44 rows (22 ridges).

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