Chore chart for Chubs

With the arrival of Chubs' second birthday, we also heralded the arrival of her first chore chart!

Now - honestly - it's pretty much a chart for the sake of having a chart. Quite a few of the 'jobs' she would be doing anyway - 'eat breakfast' and 'go to the potty' need to happen chore chart or not!

Some jobs are about establishing routines - eg shoes away. Some other things will hopefully pay off in the long run, but I tell you, it's a pain. Getting Chubs to 'make' her bed? Ugh - the 4.5 seconds that it would take me to just pull her sheet and doona up would be much faster. Not making it at all would be even faster again.

I have noticed a difference in actually having the chart. I printed out the lists below with pictures (either of Chubs doing that job, or a clip art picture), put them in plastic slips and taped them to the pantry doors at two year old height. So far Chubs has responded well to 'what's next on your list?' when 'it's time to do **' isn't working.

The plan is that over the next few years we can add 'real' chores on, and hopefully some that she can do on her own. Everything on the list she either needs to be told to do or needs close supervision, but then again - she is only just two!

Chubs’ Morning Jobs

May 2013

Go to the potty

Eat breakfast

Help to make bed

Put clothes on

Get hair brushed

Put shoes on

 

Chubs' Evening Jobs

May 2013

Put shoes in purple tub

Eat dinner

Put clothes in dirty clothes basket

Have a shower

Put pyjamas on

Get hair combed

Brush teeth

She is very happy to stand in front of the pantry and 'read' the list to whoever will listen. Hopefully the novelty and the excitement will last for a while!

Operation ReClaim Our Bed: SUCCESSFUL

ORCOB Part 1

ORCOB Part 2

To the people who told me 'you'll never get her out of your bed'
To the people who told me 'time to toughen up'
To the people who told me 'you'll regret starting bad habits'

...this post is respectfully dedicated to you.

Here is the current set up of Chubs' bed.

The only change from the last update is that we slipped a pool noodle under the fitted sheet to make it harder for her to roll out on that side. It's not perfect and she has rolled onto the trundle, but it helps. If we didn't have the trundle we would get another bed rail or rearrange the bed against a wall.

This picture also shows the trundle with its legs folded away, which is how we use it pretty much every night.

I am officialy declaring ORCOB successful. After the first few weeks of me sleeping in with her most of the time, Chubs is now mostly happy to be by herself all night long. She sleeps through most (not all) nights. If I do need to go in, I give her a cuddle and a pat and give her back her dummy. If this isn't enough to get her back to sleep then I lie with her for a short, quick feed full of sleepy hormones for both of us. A few times I've fallen asleep in her bed for a little while, generally I'm only in there for about two minutes then I go back to our bed. When she does wake I'm out of bed for less that five minutes then back to bed - about the same as getting up to pee or get a glass of water.

Weeks before her second birthday, she is happily sleeping (mostly) alone in her own room. At this stage I expect that night feeds will gradually fade away, as did her need for constant closeness all.night.long.

My husband and I have our bed 'back' - as much as any parents of a young child do. She toddles in in the mornings, blankie trailing behind her and teddy under her arm. She comes up to me and with a dummy in her mouth and about three more in her hands (just in case, sigh...) she gives me the most precious, sweetest smile and says 'Mummy milk peease Mummy' and gives me a kiss. I drag my exhausted body into the arena of the awoken, pull her up onto our bed and have milky snuggles for a few minutes. 'Other side?' is then followed by 'outside?' and we're all up and off - ready to face the day of cereal and toilet training and colouring in and Peppa Pig.

We were certainly keen to have Chubs in her own room earlier, but after a while it became clear that she wasn't ready, and that all our plan was achieving was less sleep for everyone. So we waited a few months, though again about the needs of all three people in our family, came up with a new loving and respectful plan, and gently tried it out. In the space of less than a month Chubs gently transitioned into usually sleeping though usually all by herself. No crying, no screaming, no disasters.

Now, this won't work for every family. Heck, it didn't work for our family a few months ago. But what did work was doing what worked for us, now, at this point, with what we had, valuing what was important to us.

To the people who told me 'do whatever you need to do so you all get the sleep you need'
To the people who showed me the data and science that shows that safe cosleeping is indeed very safe
To the people who taught me about milk production, supply and demand, breast compressions, feeding lying down and sleepy hormones
To the people who listened to my whinging about capital-H-ing, waking up with a foot in my face and a dummy in my ear or getting kicked out to the couch who understood that I was venting about a good approach that may not have been perfect
To the people who asked me 'in the end, does it really matter?'

and to the two people I love most in the world, with whom I share my love, my body, my home, my hopes, my dreams, my heart - and sometimes my bed,

...this post is also for you.

 

ORCOB #2

If you missed it, here is Operation ReClaim Our Bed Part 1

After a couple of weeks the bed (with trundle) was delivered. I'm getting very handy with an allen key these days, I can assure you.

Assembling the trundle (legs set up)

There was another suprise - the trundle has legs! I had no idea that the trundle has fold away legs. The castors are on the side of spring loaded folding legs, so you can use it either as a conventional trundle, or simple lift the ends up to fold the legs out to have a full sized, normal height single bed. There was nothing in the online description about this, and when we looked in store it never occured to me that there might be hidden folding legs.

Beds set up

The bed and the trundle would have been the same height, but we bought a slightly thinner mattress for the trundle so there would be plenty of space for bedding (so we could roll it away made up.)

We put a bed rail (the one which used to be on our bed) on the side of the bed near Chubs' drawers, and of course the trundle on the other.

We spent a few more nights like this (usually with the trundle low). I would feed Chubs to sleep on her bed, then leave her. At first wake up I would go in and feed her/ pat her/ put the dummy in/ cuddle or whatever she needed. She was still rolling around a lot and we had to do lots of padding around the trundle. Some nights I would stay in with her; a few times I ended up in her bed and she was on the trundle. Other nights she was happy for a feed or a cuddle, and then I went back to our bed.

I still need to get a clock for the room so I know what time it is (I hate not knowing), and I need to remember to take my phone with me when I go in (since I use it as my alarm). I haven't been able to fins a night like that will suit but we've moved the lamp that is in there so it's not so bright.

Update #3 here

 

Operation ReClaim Our Bed

Some of you may remember a few months ago when we tried to get Chubs sleeping in her cot more. I'm a huge huge fan of cosleeping, and I'm sure that we all get much more sleep that way. It's looked different for us at different stages, but it was getting to the stage where Chubs was just getting too big. Through Operation Sleep Rule Change we tried to gently transition Chubs into her cot more. However, after a little while it was apparent that the plan wasn't working and she just wasn't ready. I wasn't prepared to make the smallest, youngest and most vulnerable member of our family carry the biggest burden of 'making sleep work' for the whole family, so we abandoned the plan.

We went back to what we were doing - usual bedtime routine finishing with Chubs feeding to sleep on our bed. I would then transfer her to her cot where she slept happily until she work anywhere between 11pm and 4am. She would then come into our bed for a quick feed and cuddles and we all went back to sleep. Sometimes she took up too much room and Dear Husband or I relocated somewhere else for a few hours or the rest of the night. In our minds musical beds is much much much better than sleep deprivation.

Six or seven months passed, and (as they always do) things changed. Chubs is getting bigger and older. Her language skills have developed dramatically, so we can explain things more than we could in the past. She is also getting physically bigger and can easily take up a queen sized bed if she wants to -sigh. We always intended to buy her a bedroom suite when she turned two so we just moved that forward a little bit.

We intentionally bought her a trundle bed, firstly to facilitate more comfortable sleep sharing and secondly because we don't have a guest bedroom. So, we ordered the furniture, packed away the cot and got her new room ready.

Two new mattresses (bed and trundle)
New drawers and new bedside table (covered with white doona)

A fortunate complication occured. The bed was on back order, so while the mattresses and drawers were delivered in a few days, we had to wait a few weeks for the bed. This means that Chubs' room was set up like above for the first few weeks.

During this time, she fed to sleep on her mattress. Later on I joined her on the trundle mattress. Everyone was very happy with this arrangment. She certainly tried testing the new situation to see what the rules were - she would get up and walk out of the room at bed time, but after being directed back in she eventually learned that that endeavour was not going to be successful.

Whilst I did miss sharing a bed with Dear Husband for these few weeks, it's a good reminder that I like to share a bed with someone else for comfort, too. I'm a fully grown adult, who understands object permanence, who is well adjusted and emotionally secure (apparently) and who know how to ask for help. And I still LIKE to share a bed. If our family needed to split up its sleeping, I think that it is fairer to separate the adults for a time, rather than to force a toddler to endure loneliness while Dear Husband and I get to snuggle up all night long.

The first few night were a bit disrupted. Even though it was the same room that Chubs had slept in since the night she came home from hospital, it does look different with the new furniture. The night light was too bright for me and I didn't sleep well, and she rolled around and around and around! She rolled off the mattress a few times onto the floor, and so we covered the bedside table with a fluffy doona to make it softer until the new bed arrived. It is a big change for her, and I'm happy to sleep with her to help her through it.

I certainly was MUCH MUCH MUCH more comfortable on the floor with my own mattress all to myself, rather than in the big bed with her capital-H-ing us in the back. As much as I miss Dear Husband at night, we are all getting a lot more sleep and Dear Husband and I are much more comfortable.

ORCOB Part 2
ORCOB Part 3

 

A rainy Saturday...

I wrote this post on Saturday and I though it had uploaded, but it seems that it hadn't. Better late than never!

Today Chubs went for a trip with her aunty today and had a marvelous time. AK and B picked her up and took her on a train ride into the city. It's still raining and raining and raining so they spent lots of time trying not to get wet but had a great time. Home for a dry change of clothes, some milk and cupcakes, and they headed off again. 

She's home again now, and pooped from her big day out! Thankfully Dear Husband and I are feeling a little less pooped than usual, thanks to a nap without a starfishing toddler, and some child free housework.

A roast for dinner and a sleeping baby girl. Life is good.
 

Chubs' bedroom makeover/ renovation

One of the last things that we needed to do as part of the renovations was to fix up Chubs' room a bit. We intentionally didn't buy her a chest of drawers, shelves or any other furniture when she was born. We didn't really set up a 'nursery' as such or do much decorating, it seemed like a bit of a waste of money for something which would only be used for two years. Apart from the cot, all the other furniture that was in her room was stuff which we already had or bought very cheaply (eg discount shop wire shelving). We planned on getting a matching set of shelves, drawers etc when we bought her a bed for her second birthday - which is approaching all too quickly!

While we were doing the renovations, a lot of stuff got moved into Chubs' room. All of the items in the kitchen, living and dining room had to get moved out, and three people really do have a lot of stuff!

Today Chubs was dispatched to my wonderful sister's house who was keen to have a day with her niece which was perfect for us. Dear Husband and I got stuck into the room putting things away, giving things away and throwing things away. Everything got covered in dust during the building work, so the dishwasher and washing machine have run non stop all day. Did I mention how much I love the dishwasher? It would have taken literally hours to have washed up everything that was covered with dust, but thankfully the machine did it all for us!

There is SPACE now, both in the living room and in Chubs' room. It's great to see her run around and have room to play and dance! Her bedroom is also a play room now, just perfect for our little girl.

New shelves

We got some cube shelving for Chubs' room which I think looks great. The idea is that she can bring one or two of the fabric drawers out to the living room each day, and then we can pack up at night. Before hand we were keeping toys in the living room (since that's where she played) but we can now keep more space free. The lover shelves are toddler height so she can get out and put away her own toys.

The colours of the drawers were more or less chosen for us, by what was available. However, it's actually worked out really well. Unfortunately I didn't get it in the photo, but you can just see the teeniest tiniest bit of the top of a rug at the bottom of the picture. It's the same rug in the background of these photos. It's made of hand felted pure wool balls which are stitched together. My mother gave it to Chubs for her first birthday. The rug was hand made by Nepalise women and sold through a fiar trade business. Because it's pure wool felt it's monstrously heavy and we haven't really hand any space for it (since all the floor was covered with junk) so it's really great that Chubs can have it in her room, and it matched perfectly and totally by accident.

change table

This is Chubs' change table. It's the same one that we've always had for her (and that I had a long time before that) but the position and arrangement is new to fit in the shelves. Nappies are in the pink shelves on their back and poo bins you can see in the front of the photo. Underneath the table are bulk items (wipes and disposables), overgrown sized nappies, some filing and my sewing machine and overlocker.

Repurposed shelves

The shelves on the wall actually used to hold our crockery in the kitchen. We were able to get them off the kitchen walls and thankfully they were in such good condition that we could put them up here. I have planned on using them for display, but we needed them mostly for storage in the end. I made the curtains when I was pregnant, there is also a sheer white and pink spotted curtain underneath for privacy during the day.

As I said above, much of this side is a mishmash of old shelves and drawers and cheap flimsy stuff, but it's doing it's job. As I said when we started the renos, everything we have been doing is a bonus. We have a home with food in it, electricity, safe water and love, everything after that is just the icing. When Chubs gets a bed in here, we will change this side a bit but it is certainly perfectly adequate.

We still have some more unpacking and sorting to do, although we did get a lot done today. It's hard not to lose momentum now that most of the work has been done, but we're almost there!

New handbag :)

Sorry about the rubbish photo, but I wanted to share one of my Christmas presents from Dear Husband. I needed a new handbag since my old one was literally falling apart and had big chunks falling off the synthetic handle where I had been clipping it onto the stroller.

I wanted a smaller bag (!!!!) because I almost always have either the nappy bag or my work bag with me as well, so there's no need for another massive handbag. I hope I haven't gone too small though!

I was keen to find one with the shoulder strap; it leaves my hands free from chasing Chubs. It fits over the stroller (another key requirement) and I love it.

Yay for wonderful husbands <3 p="p">

Operation Sleep Rule Change - abandoned

Operation Sleep Rule Change was about getting some more space in our bed in a gentle, respectful way. If you missed the first post, it's here. In summary, we were aiming to get Chubs to sleep in her cot until 3am, and then to come into out bed. Sometimes she does this on her own - the last few nights she's slept in her cot until 4:30am, but it's certainly not consistent.

It was working for a while, however things started to fall apart. Chubs was sick a lot, Dear Husband was away so I was flying solo and Chubs started waking more frequently and needing more settling. Over the Christmas break we had two trips away for over a week each which meant a break in routine.

Perhaps most importantly, the plan (that Dear Husband and I would get more sleep) wasn't working. In August I said: To be honest, Dear Husband and I aren't feeling as wonderfully well rested as I was hoping. As I supsected (but was dearly hoping I was wrong) I think at lot of our constant state of exhaustion is more to do with having a vibrant, beautiful, bouncy toddler than a cosleeping one. To resettle Chubs in the middle of the night when she is in our bed is much, much easier that getting up to feed/ cuddle/ rock her in the cot. I'm sure we all get much more sleep when she's in with us. Often Dear Husband and I don't know who brough her into bed with us or what time it was now that we aren't trying to change it.

The final straw for me was one night when she wouldn't settle in her cot. I felt so mean. I was trying to settle my young child in a cage in a room all on her own so that I could go into a separate room, and not only share that room with another loved one, but actually share a bed! Why should I, as a grown adult who knows all about object permanence and how to ask for help clearly, get to share a bed with someone I love and at the same time expect my baby to sleep on her own in a cot in a separate room? She clearly needs the comfort and closeness - this is normal toddler behaviour.

Yes, we still get a lot of diagonal starfishing and bed angels. There's nothing glamorous about waking up with one foot in your ear and the other in your back. The problems that caused us to seek Operations Sleep Rule Change still exist. However, it now seems that these things aren't going to be fixed by having me stand by Chubs' cot several times a night.

I don't regret bringing Chubs into bed with us when she was little and teaching her 'bad habits'. I don't regret feeding her to sleep, nor 'training' her to sleep through the night at weeks or months old. This is all normal behaviour. She's a happy, healthy, thriving little girl. She won't always be in bed with us, she won't always feed through the night, she won't always want cuddles during the night - well at least not from Mum and Dad anyway.

I've never heard anyone say "I wish that I had cuddled my child less when she was little". So, for the time being at least, we will continue to love, cuddle, feed, rock and sleep togetherin the big bed - just where everyone wants to be. Even if it is a bit crowded.

Feet

Toes, tootsies, peggies on feet. So chubby and munchable. Where will your toes take you? What steps will you take? You will walk and dance and jump and hike. You will balance on a beam, dance the song in your heart and splash in puddles. Those precious peggies will grow, those chubby feet will stand tall. Those beautiful feet belong to a beautiful girl, a beautiful girl with beautiful feet. Step by step you will walk your journey, leaving footprints on the ground and in people's hearts. From kicks in my ribs to a heel prick test, from grabbing for nappy changes and oft slipping socks. To wobbly steps and stubbed toes. What next? Ballet shoes and nail polish, sneakers to run a race? Kicks to the back of the car seat, a stamped foot in anger? Gum boots and high heels and soccer shoes? I tip-toe from your room as your little piggies wrapped in your romper are snug in your cot, I hang too cute socks to dry on the line. I look at your precious, chubby toes as you leave yet more footprints on my heart. Tootsies will grow, booties become boots. Babies become adults, but still leave footprints on hearts.